GUEST BLOG by Dani Gies,
1L at UCLA School of Law
This post is going to be of a different tone than my previous ones.
Last Thursday, I lost my great uncle to lymphoma. He was more like my uncle and second dad to my mom though. He was a brilliant, compassionate, selfless, encouraging, loving man who impacted thousands of lives over his lifetime of service to students, marginalized peoples, and his family. He served a long term at UCLA, and I feel his spirit constantly.
I have been depressed for a while now, and his passing really dropped me to a low. I was definitely not myself when a classmate approached me and asked me to record classes for her this week because she was headed home for a funeral. She lost her grandfather three days before I lost my tío. Two weeks before that, another close friend flew home for his grandfather’s funeral. And one month before that, the morning of her Torts exam, my close friend lost her grandfather.
It is very difficult for me, and my classmates, to deal with loss like this during law school, particularly during 1L.
I’ve lost most of my motivation. What is the point of reading the Constitution when it seems we are at the age where every moment could be a loved ones’ last, and time spent in the library could be spent with family? People who wanted us to succeed, to pursue our goals, are now gone. How do we continue to press on? How do we take our already-stressed out, reclusive, exhausted selves and make them yearn for school while our families carry on and we barely have time to grieve?
To be honest, I don’t really know. The cloud of sadness that has been casting its shadow over me persists. I still begin to cry after periods of high stress when my adrenaline fades and I have a few moments to ponder. But today it was easier for me to ponder the positive. Everyone who has learned about my tío’s passing has been kinder than I could have imagined, including especially one of my teachers. I have found in this sadness that I have made friends who deeply care about my health and wellbeing. My law school community has been generous and gentle, two words not oft associated with law schools. My dance crew, although a recent acquaintance, has consoled me with hug after hug and much encouragement.
I write this post in the event that you too are experiencing loss or another hardship that has derailed you.
I’m not quite back on track yet, but I’ll get there. For the moment, I will continue to try to focus on the amazing blessings coming my way in the form of caring friends and their words and actions. I wish for you that you too recognize the light in your life and that your law school community supports you and picks you up when you fall. If you’d like to talk about anything, please DM me on Twitter @The1Llife.
Wishing you peace,
Dani